My japanese wedding
So im back at home and finally there is time to write about my experience at my japanese wedding.
We already did all the official parts in Germany, so in Japan we only did the party which was exactly the "hiroen" party (披露宴). But lets start a little bit earlier....
The Place we were visiting was gorgeous, actually it was like my wife was so excited and she liked it very much while i was very worried if we can afford such a place!
When we arrived we got picked up by the staff and everything seemed to be luxurious, we checked the prices and found out how to make it less expensive like choosing not a weekend day. Later we checked the possible rooms and one room was really like "BOOOM", they did a presentation with sound and video in that room it was stunning! So actually it was easy for us to choose the room cause we both wanted just that room! Then we saw the garden of the place and that was also over the top with a nice pond and cherry blossom trees. (The Garden is free to visit and best in sakura season, so check happo-en)
Later at home we decided to take that place, also my father in law helped us with the money since i already paid the german wedding. Im really thankful for that.
I was surprised this doesnt mean less work... cause a wedding planer has much questions. On the other hand the planer knows also much about customs which is really helpful. Most thanks for that is for my wife cause she did 5 skype sessions all over 3 hours and several emails with the planner. Luckily the planner was a nice person so it felt less like work.
The Japanese have many customs. Some are old japanese or religious customs like which date is a good date for the marriage, which is a good date to send the invitations and which kanjis should be avoided in the inviting text.
On the other hand they adopt many traditions from other countries. There are several japanese who travel to Hawai or Guam to marry in a church just cause it looks cool and non of them is christian. I think its funny cause one time i read an online discussion about some non Japanese people who said its a sin for non Japanese people to marry in traditional Japanese clothings if non is Japanese. Those people apparently never met japanese people nor they know about how japanese really are. They like to adopt things that are cool or kawaii and i think its totally ok to do so. (I make one prediction here: I think eastern will be the next thing in japan in some years just cause of the cute bunnys :D )
So back to topic.
One other reason some people travel to an other country is to avoid to invite everyone. Cause the hiroen party is normally very formal and the the boss must be invited and normally he also do a speech. We did out party a little bit more casually and mixed it with other things like with a dance and on german set on the food for the japanese people to try.
Another big part of the preparation is the clothing.
In japanese weddings the couple likes to change their clothes. Some wear up to three or four different things. We chooses to wear first japanese kimonos and after that our western clothes from the german wedding. The western clothes we already got but the kimonos we needed.
Nowadays most japanese rent the kimonos. (but renting still cost the same than buying western style clothes....) We had the opportunity to rent the clothes at our wedding place but we chose a different store. First i thought that will be complicated but actually it was no problem, the store sent the clothes to our place and later they sent it back to the store and we could change at the wedding place.
While changing the clothes many japanese show a video of children pictures of bride and groom and how they met. That video was also part of the preparing and my wife did much effort for that.
Also we had to choose like 6 songs. One song for entry with kimono, one for entry with western clothes, one for speeches one for a dance....
Its much work but later your wedding will be like a movie with music background :D
One other part of the preparation was to choose the presents for the guests. Our location had an easy to use online platform to choose the presents individually per person. That was really nice.
For us another part of the preparation was to help our german friends and family with the trip. That was the reason for my how-to tokyo entry in the blog. So many questions. But at the end it was less stress than i thought. Also we needed to organise translations for the speeches of our guests, thanks for the help of our translator. Beside that we did the translation for our own speeches.
My wife also did a hair and makeup check beforehand while i was busy picking up other germans at the airport.
One more thing was to check the kimonos we wanted to rent. That was so awful quick. We checked much beforehand on the internet and luckily the clothes fit at the first try and we liked them. I was very excited to wear a traditional japanese kimono for men the "monpuku" (紋服). The biggest worry was that they have shoes for my size, cause my feet are very wide. But it was surprisingly no problem at all. One thing to notice is that in japan the couples check their clothes together while in germany it brings misfortune if the man sees the wedding dress of the wife before the wedding. So we did the german way in Germany and the japanese in Japan.
My wife needed more time of course and entered before me. While i was sitting near the dressing rooms and drinking some tea and watched other coupled coming out of the dressing rooms in many really good looking clothes. Also i was training my speech one last time.
Then it was my turn. I had my own dressing guy. That was the first time in my life that a other person did that for me. We didnt talk much cause of my not so good japanese and his english but it was still comfortable. My kimono had much extras like special underwear, special socks and much layers and belts. The guy did much effort to make it perfect. At first i felt a little bit tight especially while sitting. But after some hours you get so used to it and it gets comfortable. Later my wife was ready and she looked awful.
Together we walked to the family room and met our family and the german friends.
After the Garden we had a short break alone. There the staff gave us something to drink so we could stand the alcohol at the party better. Also it was time for my first toilet with the kimono. Surprisingly it was easy, just lift^^
My dressing guy checked me once more and then it was time for the Party.
We on the other side had a special entry. We sneaked behind a wall. The guest could not see us but we could see and hear them. Then the guest room light was made dark. Music starts. Spotlight on the wall where we stand behind so the guests see our shadows and then the wall opens and we took a walk through the guests. After that we did our welcome speech. I also did my speech in japanese which needed much preparation. But i succeed and finally it was time for "kanpai" (cheers).
After that people did maaaaany pictures from us and much talking. It was pretty hard to do the eating cause there was nearly no time. Then my sister did one speech in english and followed by that my wifes best friend did a speech.
One highlight was also the act of two friends of my wife with caligraphy, guitar and singing.
Shortly after that a song appeared which ment for my wife to go to the changing room. I had some more time and could eat a little bit. When i leaved the guests could see the video of how my wife and me met.
Changing was again funny with my dressing guy. At one point i already got my pants on and he seemed surprised that i already did that alone :D So he dressed me again perfect. And then there is one thing. While the preparation the staff said to us that the groom traditionally has white gloves in the hand while walking. (he dont wear them) but we never heard of that and probably its one of those adopted traditions in japan. So we didnt order that. But my dressing guy was like thats not possible and just gave me the white gloves so i can look perfect. But actually it was quite nice to have something in the hand and it looked good, so sometimes those funny traditions are totally ok.
After changing we were going again in hour secret way behind the wall. This time we were standing in opposite directions. Again the music started. Spotlight on. Slowly walking so each other. The wall opens. We walk in the middle of the room and did our dance performance. It was so much fun. We like to watch dramas and in one drama (reign) they did those fancy dances, we copied some parts of that and our guests were really surprised that we did like that. It needed of course training in germany but it was worth it.
After the dance we could eat a little bit while many pictures were done. Then finally we were going to each table and talked with the guests and did pictures. Our guests had a good time. Beforehand we made sure that the germans sit on different tables so that the japanese and germans had the chance to talk with each other. That worked out quite well.
Then the last part started already. In Japan the wife writes a letter to her family and thanks for many things. Normally the wifes need to cry while reading that letter so the husband has to hold the microphone. Normally the husband also writes some kind of thanks letter where he also indicate that hes not worthy young and needs much help but since we are both over 30 and i felt strange about that i did only a short version with thanking to everyone. Then our last song came and we walked out.
Outside we gave each guest some sweets. Some guests tried a challenge to give me a hug and were really happy that it worked :D (for japanese hugging for good bye is not normal)
Then i told my staff that i had no time for the desert and they said: "dont worry we prepared some for you to eat later". Really nice.
Over all the Party was really good. But way to quick. Some of our german guests said they had the best day in their life at this party. So we were really glad.
When everyone was gone we ate our dessert and changed back. Picked up our presents, thanked our staff and were driving back to the hotel.
Often at japanese partys after the hiroen party is a second party. But we did our party under the week so that was not possible for us. Anyway some guests were at a bar after the party.
We already did all the official parts in Germany, so in Japan we only did the party which was exactly the "hiroen" party (披露宴). But lets start a little bit earlier....
The Preperation
Finding a place
At first you have to find a place where you want to make the party. Japanese people normally check many places, often Hotels or other Buildings where people do mainly weddings. But since we live in Germany we had not so much time for that and checked much beforehand at the internet and in our holiday we were visiting one place.The Place we were visiting was gorgeous, actually it was like my wife was so excited and she liked it very much while i was very worried if we can afford such a place!
When we arrived we got picked up by the staff and everything seemed to be luxurious, we checked the prices and found out how to make it less expensive like choosing not a weekend day. Later we checked the possible rooms and one room was really like "BOOOM", they did a presentation with sound and video in that room it was stunning! So actually it was easy for us to choose the room cause we both wanted just that room! Then we saw the garden of the place and that was also over the top with a nice pond and cherry blossom trees. (The Garden is free to visit and best in sakura season, so check happo-en)
Later at home we decided to take that place, also my father in law helped us with the money since i already paid the german wedding. Im really thankful for that.
Preparation from foreign country
The next step was to prepare all the things we need from Germany. With choosing the place you also get a wedding planer. That was very new to me since in Germany this is not so common and in the german wedding we did that without a planer. In Japan on the other side this is very common.I was surprised this doesnt mean less work... cause a wedding planer has much questions. On the other hand the planer knows also much about customs which is really helpful. Most thanks for that is for my wife cause she did 5 skype sessions all over 3 hours and several emails with the planner. Luckily the planner was a nice person so it felt less like work.
The Japanese have many customs. Some are old japanese or religious customs like which date is a good date for the marriage, which is a good date to send the invitations and which kanjis should be avoided in the inviting text.
On the other hand they adopt many traditions from other countries. There are several japanese who travel to Hawai or Guam to marry in a church just cause it looks cool and non of them is christian. I think its funny cause one time i read an online discussion about some non Japanese people who said its a sin for non Japanese people to marry in traditional Japanese clothings if non is Japanese. Those people apparently never met japanese people nor they know about how japanese really are. They like to adopt things that are cool or kawaii and i think its totally ok to do so. (I make one prediction here: I think eastern will be the next thing in japan in some years just cause of the cute bunnys :D )
So back to topic.
One other reason some people travel to an other country is to avoid to invite everyone. Cause the hiroen party is normally very formal and the the boss must be invited and normally he also do a speech. We did out party a little bit more casually and mixed it with other things like with a dance and on german set on the food for the japanese people to try.
Another big part of the preparation is the clothing.
In japanese weddings the couple likes to change their clothes. Some wear up to three or four different things. We chooses to wear first japanese kimonos and after that our western clothes from the german wedding. The western clothes we already got but the kimonos we needed.
Nowadays most japanese rent the kimonos. (but renting still cost the same than buying western style clothes....) We had the opportunity to rent the clothes at our wedding place but we chose a different store. First i thought that will be complicated but actually it was no problem, the store sent the clothes to our place and later they sent it back to the store and we could change at the wedding place.
While changing the clothes many japanese show a video of children pictures of bride and groom and how they met. That video was also part of the preparing and my wife did much effort for that.
Also we had to choose like 6 songs. One song for entry with kimono, one for entry with western clothes, one for speeches one for a dance....
Its much work but later your wedding will be like a movie with music background :D
One other part of the preparation was to choose the presents for the guests. Our location had an easy to use online platform to choose the presents individually per person. That was really nice.
For us another part of the preparation was to help our german friends and family with the trip. That was the reason for my how-to tokyo entry in the blog. So many questions. But at the end it was less stress than i thought. Also we needed to organise translations for the speeches of our guests, thanks for the help of our translator. Beside that we did the translation for our own speeches.
Prepering in Japan
Since we did most things from Germany and the time was not so much cause of less holiday, we had not so much preparation to do. We skipped things like the food trying. So we did one meeting with the staff and checked everything what we planed like the menu for the food and the room and how to entry and which what song at which time etc. Also we checked the translations and when to do which speech and when to go out and change. I was very relieved cause the staff was very sympathic so i felt less stressed. Cause sometimes its hard when you only understand very less and than at least the stuff is sympathic and able to do body language.My wife also did a hair and makeup check beforehand while i was busy picking up other germans at the airport.
One more thing was to check the kimonos we wanted to rent. That was so awful quick. We checked much beforehand on the internet and luckily the clothes fit at the first try and we liked them. I was very excited to wear a traditional japanese kimono for men the "monpuku" (紋服). The biggest worry was that they have shoes for my size, cause my feet are very wide. But it was surprisingly no problem at all. One thing to notice is that in japan the couples check their clothes together while in germany it brings misfortune if the man sees the wedding dress of the wife before the wedding. So we did the german way in Germany and the japanese in Japan.
The Wedding
Arriving and changing
The easy thing was all our clothes were already at the wedding location so we could easily travel there with a taxi. When we arrived we already met one friend who helped to cloth some of our german friends. Wich was easy cause there was a changing room for guest and a family waiting room for guest. My wife and me had our own dressing rooms with staff to help us.My wife needed more time of course and entered before me. While i was sitting near the dressing rooms and drinking some tea and watched other coupled coming out of the dressing rooms in many really good looking clothes. Also i was training my speech one last time.
Then it was my turn. I had my own dressing guy. That was the first time in my life that a other person did that for me. We didnt talk much cause of my not so good japanese and his english but it was still comfortable. My kimono had much extras like special underwear, special socks and much layers and belts. The guy did much effort to make it perfect. At first i felt a little bit tight especially while sitting. But after some hours you get so used to it and it gets comfortable. Later my wife was ready and she looked awful.
Together we walked to the family room and met our family and the german friends.
The Garden
Luckily our wedding was at sakura season, so the garden looked really nice. We were going in the garden with our family and friends. Which was fun cause we had our own secret ways for bride and groom. We didn't hire a photographer but our friends and family did much pictures and we had stuff who were with us the whole time supporting and choosing locations and they also did some pictures for us. Its really fun to have staff for everything. I didnt need to care about anything. My smartphone? Staff have it, i want something? staff brings it... the whole day was like that :D One of the best moments was when we enrered the lobby where many tourist where at a cafe and one doorman did the fun to shout very loud "OMEDETO!" (Gratulation) and started to clap. Then suddenly all the tourist (some hundred) were applauding for us and took pictures like we were some stars or so :DAfter the Garden we had a short break alone. There the staff gave us something to drink so we could stand the alcohol at the party better. Also it was time for my first toilet with the kimono. Surprisingly it was easy, just lift^^
My dressing guy checked me once more and then it was time for the Party.
The Party
Since it was a "hiroen" party (披露宴) there were some rules. We had a reception which was run by friends. Traditionally the japanese people pay some kind of entry fee (normally around 30000 yen) at that reception in a closed envelope. So some people also give more. But beforehand we said to the germans its not necessary for them because they already flown to japan. At the entry we also had a Polaroid like camera for the guests to make pictures and print them in a book. We greeted everyone and did again many pictures. Then the guests entered the room.We on the other side had a special entry. We sneaked behind a wall. The guest could not see us but we could see and hear them. Then the guest room light was made dark. Music starts. Spotlight on the wall where we stand behind so the guests see our shadows and then the wall opens and we took a walk through the guests. After that we did our welcome speech. I also did my speech in japanese which needed much preparation. But i succeed and finally it was time for "kanpai" (cheers).
After that people did maaaaany pictures from us and much talking. It was pretty hard to do the eating cause there was nearly no time. Then my sister did one speech in english and followed by that my wifes best friend did a speech.
One highlight was also the act of two friends of my wife with caligraphy, guitar and singing.
Shortly after that a song appeared which ment for my wife to go to the changing room. I had some more time and could eat a little bit. When i leaved the guests could see the video of how my wife and me met.
Changing was again funny with my dressing guy. At one point i already got my pants on and he seemed surprised that i already did that alone :D So he dressed me again perfect. And then there is one thing. While the preparation the staff said to us that the groom traditionally has white gloves in the hand while walking. (he dont wear them) but we never heard of that and probably its one of those adopted traditions in japan. So we didnt order that. But my dressing guy was like thats not possible and just gave me the white gloves so i can look perfect. But actually it was quite nice to have something in the hand and it looked good, so sometimes those funny traditions are totally ok.
After changing we were going again in hour secret way behind the wall. This time we were standing in opposite directions. Again the music started. Spotlight on. Slowly walking so each other. The wall opens. We walk in the middle of the room and did our dance performance. It was so much fun. We like to watch dramas and in one drama (reign) they did those fancy dances, we copied some parts of that and our guests were really surprised that we did like that. It needed of course training in germany but it was worth it.
After the dance we could eat a little bit while many pictures were done. Then finally we were going to each table and talked with the guests and did pictures. Our guests had a good time. Beforehand we made sure that the germans sit on different tables so that the japanese and germans had the chance to talk with each other. That worked out quite well.
Then the last part started already. In Japan the wife writes a letter to her family and thanks for many things. Normally the wifes need to cry while reading that letter so the husband has to hold the microphone. Normally the husband also writes some kind of thanks letter where he also indicate that hes not worthy young and needs much help but since we are both over 30 and i felt strange about that i did only a short version with thanking to everyone. Then our last song came and we walked out.
Outside we gave each guest some sweets. Some guests tried a challenge to give me a hug and were really happy that it worked :D (for japanese hugging for good bye is not normal)
Then i told my staff that i had no time for the desert and they said: "dont worry we prepared some for you to eat later". Really nice.
Over all the Party was really good. But way to quick. Some of our german guests said they had the best day in their life at this party. So we were really glad.
When everyone was gone we ate our dessert and changed back. Picked up our presents, thanked our staff and were driving back to the hotel.
Often at japanese partys after the hiroen party is a second party. But we did our party under the week so that was not possible for us. Anyway some guests were at a bar after the party.
Conclusion
The japanese wedding was really nice and im glad that i could do like this. Not everyone has a chance for that. Also money is a topic. Our wedding was cheap but it was still 3 times so price of the german wedding. But you will feel like you are a rich star for one day and have a gorgeous meal and much fun and cool dresses. I would do it again. But now im happy that we managed our two weddings and finally we have time to talk about other things than wedding preparation. But the next adventure will come, so stay tuned :-)
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